Kimberly Talks: Money Matters

Editor’s Note: I recently asked Kimberly R. Stewart what was on her mind and she didn’t hesitate to answerthe importance of having life insurance (a key financial principle).  It’s her birthday month, so fasten your seat belts: we’re sharing the first of her very candid thoughts. This Part I of a Four-Part Series is called How to Die. (This is based on her popular videos posted via Facebook Live). If you have specific questions after reading this, you will have to contact her directly. The “Kimberly Talks: Money Matters” column is published here monthly under the Business News section. Thanks for the talk Kimberly and Happy Birthday again.  – Trish Martin

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Kimberly Talks: Money Matters

You know this time of the year, I am normally doing videos on what I have so affectionately named “Tax-Baller Season.”

You know, for those of you who love and covet those tax refunds, that was your money to start with. But any who: This is your season. This is it. But the government or the IRS pushed back the mailing of tax refunds. 

So with that being said, I’m going to push back on talking about that particular topic.

But what I am going to talk about is something near and dear to my heart.

The title of this is going to be “How To Die.”

You all know, I’m very passionate and I’m very persistent about having life insurance!

I say this all the time: You have a 100 % chance of dying. It’s really that simple.

This is a letter to my mother and my sister, to Rena and to Felecia about what to do at my funeral or what not to do, which I have termed “Fu-Negro.” 

Stop this foolishness you all like to do!

First thing, Rene and Felecia: DO NOT TAKE 2 WEEKS TO BURY ME!

THERE IS MONEY. THERE IS LIFE INSURANCE. THERE IS no reason why it should take two weeks to put me in the ground. (If that’s what I decide to do. I’m still waffling on whether a burial or cremation.)

But if  I decide on a burial do not wait two weeks to get me into the ground. I don’t care who can’t get here. Do not wait until the first, until they can get their check!

This is the one time I want to be Jewish. You have three days to put me into the ground. As a matter of fact,  I’ll be a little lenient – You have three to five days to get me into the ground.

First of all, you need to plan to die. Second, waiting for people because they can’t afford plane tickets. No, no, no…If they can’t make it, God bless them. Send them a program and let’s be done. Get me where I’m going.

Second thing, (Rene and Felecia), about these t-shirts: DO NOT PUT MY PICTURE, MY PROM PICTURE…on a t-shirt and sell them to the family for $10.

First of all, let them spend that money on something else. Two, who gets the money? I’m dead so that to me, seems to be a copyright violation because it’s a picture of me and I’m not reaping the benefits!!! Don’t do that.

Third thing, (Rene and Felecia), please do not allow anyone to take any pictures of me in the casket. At the funeral home, the scene. Nope, Nope, Nope!

I don’t care if you have to pat them down, have armed security guards.

If you need to block cellular service, ask people to put their phones in a basket.

No “Gone too soon,” “Rest in peace”…First of all, you don’t know where I’m gone. Don’t do that! There are all kinds of pictures of me online. They can see me as I would want they to see me.

Forth,  (Rene and Felecia), I am…whatever age I am right now. I have never ever seen a white dove. I’ve never seen one released into the air.  I’ve never held one, anything of that nature. So please DO NOT RELEASE ANY WHITE DOVES at my funeral. I don’t understand that. If you’re doing it in honor of me or in memory of me: I’m dead…I don’t know that you releasing doves!!! And I can’t see them. If you want to do that, there’s a window right here (at my office). You can release these doves now, while I’m living. Have them fly right by the window so I can see them, so I can enjoy them! 

Because God forbid, something happens to the dove, if one of them dies…while I’m in the casket or one of them gets lost. Now you got to pay the “Lost Dove Fee.” That’s just ridiculous. That’s just stupid so don’t do it. That’s for you, if you want to do it. 

Fifth, (Rene and Felecia), I’ve had the pleasure of riding around town in a horse drawn carriage. It’s not something to write home about. So please, if I decide on burial, DO NOT PUT MY CASKET in a carriage AND and have it riding around the city. Once again, that’s a waste of money. I don’t know that you have put me a horse-drawn carriage. I don’t know that there’s a pretty white horse galloping along the street. I don’t know that there’s some man in a nice  tuxedo up there guiding the horse. I’m dead, remember? It’s foolish. 

Stop this stuff! You people and these Fu-Negros. Don’t do it.

Momma, do not have 29 people up their singing. I don’t need 12 preachers. We don’t need 2 minutes of reflections.

If you have something to say, say it to me now – good, bad or indifferent. But these long funeral services and all. Nay, get me where I’m going. As a matter of fact, I’ve already gone.

So do what we need to do. Make the service quick, easy, get out of it.

And then finally, if any of you decide to “Go Live” during any part of my home going celebration, I will haunt  you….forever, and ever, and ever, and ever….and the last thing you want, trust me, is the Kimberly Stewart ghost following you around!

So Rena and Felecia , these are my wishes…Nope, I don’t want no Fu-Negro. I want a basic old service. Somebody can sing Amazing Grace, Joy to the World…I really don’t care.

But let’s Stop this stuff you all.

In all seriousness, it is a waste of money. It’s a waste of time, energy and effort.

If you want to show someone that you love them, show them now.

Release doves now.

I promise you, I would love to see some doves fly by the window, but don’t release doves when I’m in the ground. I don’t know that you’ve released them.

Thank you.

Kimberly R. Stewart
KRS Wealth Management
11 N Summerlin Avenue, Suite 285-A
Orlando, FL 32801

© Orlando Community News, 2017